I See The Sun And I Haven't Woken Up Yet

I first started this blog because all of first quarter I wouldn't sleep until 6 or 7 AM. So that's where I first got the idea of what to name my blog. Because when I haven't woken up yet because I haven't slept yet but I see the sun rise, it's an odd state of mind. It also means whatever hell hole I'm stuck in, I know it won't be for forever. I know that there's a bright future in front of me and that's how I should live my life. Optimistic-ly. I wonder who really reads my blog or who takes an actual interest in what I have to say or who is fucking bored out of his or her mind to the point that facebook can't even offer itself as a remedy anymore. Must be you. How sad. But you know what's even sadder than you reading my pathetic attempt at expressing myself through an internet portal? This. Me writing about ALL OF THIS at 5:54 AM when just a couple hours ago I was fucking drunk out of my mind and have completely sobered up. Thinking about it just makes me even sadder. I remember only a few months ago, I would've done anything to feel any other type of pain than the pain I was feeling at that moment. Anything to inflict a physical sort of pain on myself rather than emotionally suffering. I just wanted something to focus on rather than my own personal pain because I knew I wouldn't be able to endure it any longer. And through it all, I am so happy now. Honestly, I have to say that at that moment, I really could not imagine myself the way I am right now. I didn't think it was feasible or even remotely possible, not even in my dreams. My present self had become my very own nightmare and I couldn't get out. And of course. It had to be you. You saved me. This is my sunrise state of mind.

I Want To Lie In Bed All Day

A good, lazy, bum-ful day is when you:
1. Have your laptop on your bed.
2. Make a bed playlist with your favorite jams.
3. Play dinglepop for at least a couple hours.
4. Watch Milk and end up falling asleep to motion pictures of homosexual sex.
5. The floor is made of clothes, not carpet.
6. Go out for a drive for some fresh air.
7. Can't stop laughing.
8. Have Dennis there to mope away the whole day with you too.

On Repeat

LMAO

Day and Night

You're Like A Hot Revolver

Something else to listen to besides Poker Face by Ms. GaGa! Sort of.

LA

I used to feel so at home back in the bay area in beautiful San Jose but now I feel so disconnected from it. There's nothing left there for me and it makes me so upset. I wish I could have that same exhilarating feeling and sense of nostalgia that I used to have when I drove my loyal, dependable RAV4 around the streets of home. I grew up there and I remember I used to have that feeling that nothing wrong could happen in San Jose and I was so happy. Emptiness. You were my favorite mistake. Now all that's left is a pile of fading memories and sometimes when I'm just doing random shit like cleaning my room and gathering my laundry up or working out at the ARC, I just start randomly thinking about everything that has happened this year and I just feel so sad. I feel like I'm in a personal war with myself at which I really find myself uncertain of which area comes up when I think of "home". I never know where I want to eat because everything I'm craving is back in LA and it's just not the same. NO, I do not want Miyaki or Fusion because I want Tomodachi. NO, I do not want Pho or Layang Layang because I want some fucking Noodle Planet. NO, I do not want Prospect McDonalds because I want Overland McDonalds. Hopefully, I can reconnect with San Jose sometime again but for now, LA is my home.

This Sums Up Everything