I See The Sun And I Haven't Woken Up Yet

I first started this blog because all of first quarter I wouldn't sleep until 6 or 7 AM. So that's where I first got the idea of what to name my blog. Because when I haven't woken up yet because I haven't slept yet but I see the sun rise, it's an odd state of mind. It also means whatever hell hole I'm stuck in, I know it won't be for forever. I know that there's a bright future in front of me and that's how I should live my life. Optimistic-ly. I wonder who really reads my blog or who takes an actual interest in what I have to say or who is fucking bored out of his or her mind to the point that facebook can't even offer itself as a remedy anymore. Must be you. How sad. But you know what's even sadder than you reading my pathetic attempt at expressing myself through an internet portal? This. Me writing about ALL OF THIS at 5:54 AM when just a couple hours ago I was fucking drunk out of my mind and have completely sobered up. Thinking about it just makes me even sadder. I remember only a few months ago, I would've done anything to feel any other type of pain than the pain I was feeling at that moment. Anything to inflict a physical sort of pain on myself rather than emotionally suffering. I just wanted something to focus on rather than my own personal pain because I knew I wouldn't be able to endure it any longer. And through it all, I am so happy now. Honestly, I have to say that at that moment, I really could not imagine myself the way I am right now. I didn't think it was feasible or even remotely possible, not even in my dreams. My present self had become my very own nightmare and I couldn't get out. And of course. It had to be you. You saved me. This is my sunrise state of mind.